I will be the first to admit that I am not a child-rearing expert, nor do I aspire to be one. When I became pregnant, I went against the tide of popular thought and chose not to read every book by every so-called expert. I learned no handy-dandy methods, techniques, schools of thought or theories. Instead, I decided to rely on my average intelligence and my above average common sense. So, truly, I am not a child-rearing expert.
But. You knew a but was coming, right? Yes, indeed, and it is a big but (go ahead, snicker - I want you to). I may not be a child-rearing expert BUT I know dumb child-rearing when I see it. And I saw plenty of it last weekend with J's family.
Each of the following examples should be preceded by the statement "I am not child-rearing expert BUT..."
Example #1
...if you allow a child to snack all day then he/she will not eat well at meals. J's mother leaves food out on the kitchen counters and the two grandchildren that live with her can help themselves whenever they like, all day long. And they do. No surprise here, but when they sit down to meals, they don't eat much. Well, duh!
On Saturday afternoon at 4:00 pm, after seeing my four year old nephew eat a handful of grapes for the umpteenth time, I put them away and told him no more snacks. When he whined that he would "get hungry" I told him to wait until dinner (any wonder why I am considered the mean aunt?). Yes, I know that grapes are healthy and I know that children often needs snacks between meals. But sitting a child down to a small snack at one time during the afternoon is not the same as letting them graze all afternoon.
At dinner that night, everyone was amazed at how well the child ate. Well, duh.
Example #2
...there are times when you need to TELL a child to do something and not ASK she/he to do it. The seven year old resident of my in-laws' house dressed herself on Saturday morning, in a sleeveless cheerleading outfit with a short skirt. It was about 40 degrees that morning with an expected high only in the mid-50s. Not snowsuit weather by any means but certainly not sleeveless weather, either. My MIL asked her granddaughter "Don't you think you should put on something warmer?" To which the girl replied, "No."
Well, duh! What answer did you think she would give? I would have told her to go to her room and change into more appropriate clothing. And during the afternoon when the children played outside, the little girl was shivering despite the jacket she wore. Well duh - of course she was!
Example #3
...a child needs to go to bed at a decent time each night so they can get a good night of sleep. J and I are seen as very strict because we make sure that A goes to bed at an early hour every evening. We did relax the rules a bit on Thanksgiving because it was a special occasion, but the next night we had him back on his regular routine. The aforementioned four and seven year old stayed up later than J and I did on Thanksgiving evening, then did not go to bed on Friday night until 9:30-10:00 pm.
The children's mother and grandmother (my MIL) both told me that the children sleep very late in the morning and are often cranky. Well, duh - they are not getting enough sleep! Sure it can be a pain to us adults to make sure that A is home and in bed at a regular, early hour but that is what we signed up for when we became parents. That is our job. And we have been told by many people how impressed they are that A goes to bed nicely each night, without drama or protest, and wakes up happy. Well, duh - he gets a good amount of sleep every night.
So while I am not a child-rearing expert, I think we are doing a pretty good job.
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