Lessons learned at the mall

I went to a shopping mall on Sunday. That may not seem all that momentous until you learn that I loathe going to a mall. Loathe with a capital "L". Shopping at a mall, for me, is an occasional necessity: it is not sport, nor hobby, nor entertainment. There is nothing wrong with shopping being any of those things for other people but they just aren't for me. I don't care to window shop, I don't like the crowds, and since yarn stores and liquor stores are rarely located in malls, there just isn't much of interest to me. If I need to buy something at the mall, I park near the store I need to visit, and get in/out as quickly as possible.

Just to show how little I like going to malls: the last time I wandered around a mall just to wander around was the summer of 2011 when my mother visited, it was 95 degrees in the shade and we needed a cool place to spend the day. It was still a relief to leave.

Aidan and a friend wanted to see a movie* and the best theaters in our area are located in malls, so off we went. We arrived around 12:45 and it was already packed. On a Sunday. On a beautiful Sunday. James just chuckled at me as I pondered why anyone would want to spend a beautiful Sunday afternoon at a mall.

The people watching was, of course, astounding, and the following maxims were made abundantly clear:

• There should be a weight limit on spandex leggings or, at the very least, should have a "contents under pressure" warning label. I can say this as an above ideal weight person who never wears yoga pants outside my house.

• Teens and tweens travel in packs, much like birds and/or wild animals. Unlike birds and wild animals, however, they do not move in concert or instinctive precision, but mill about and bump into one another and total strangers.

• Couples should never, EVER dress alike. This truth crosses all gender, racial and age lines.

• A little animal print goes a long way. I adore me some animal print, but as Julia Child said, "Everything in moderation." Animal print as an accent is perfectly fine but head-to-toe animal print is wrong on many levels. (The actual quote is "Everything in moderation, including moderation" but the last two words didn't really fit with the point I am trying to make so I left them out. It's my blog, so I can.)

There is some good that comes out of a trip to a mall: my self-esteem gets a real boost. By wearing age appropriate clothing that is clean and fits my body, washing my face and combing my hair, I am already ahead of the pack. The pack wearing matching too tight leopard leggings with a zebra big shirt.

*Speaking of movies, I am not really much of a movie fan; I almost always prefer to read a book. But we weren't going to let two ten year olds sit in a movie theater without us and they wanted to see "Oz the Great and Powerful", so that is how James and I ended up watching a movie in which we had no interest. I look at it as two hours and ten minutes of my life that I will never get back.